Life is made up of countless moments, moments that define you. These moments break down into an interaction with someone and how it affected you. Sometimes we become overwhelmed with life and don’t take the time to appreciate the people that have touched our lives. Some of these people come into your life and a connection between the two of you is indescribable, you immediately know that they will affect your life in some extraordinary way. Other times those people may be complete strangers, or individuals whom you have only interacted with a number of times. With that being said make every day count and appreciate every moment you may have with someone.
What is it about those single unexpected moments that shake your world up and make you question how you have been living your life? I recently experienced something that I have only felt a couple of times in my life, this time the intensity was almost unbearable. It was Christmas morning that I got the heartbreaking news that Jillian Renee Catmull had taken her life. The pain burst through me and settled in the core of my soul. My life and experiences flashed right before my eyes. How could it be that another persons’ choice that had nothing to do with me could make me feel this way? I had known this person for years but had never been close with her. My time and experiences with her barley scratch the surface of her essence. This was one of those moments that was going to define me forever.
I have tried to wrap my head around what her family, loved ones, and close friends are going through, but I honestly don’t know where to begin. This experience has given me only a dash of what it would be like to lose someone close to me, and I can honestly say that I have not prepare my mind and heart for such an event. The idea terrifies me. My compassion and apathy go out to every single individual that was close to her. I have looked at her facebook page almost every single day since. I have asked myself many questions that so many affected people ask. Almost every emotion associated with an event like this has overcome me. Jill’s kindness was abundant.
Most of my pain stems from her being in such a dark place that she would take her life. She was a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. We can all relate to her in some way or another, and I am sure that she wants us to grow and learn from her. Jill’s impact on my life will never be forgotten and I thank her for my personal growth and appreciation. She has challenged my strength to overcome the darkness that I have been consumed by for the last couple years and gave me the opportunity to let the light shine in. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope that you have found peace. Even though you’re not here with us your energy has spread like wild fire. Rest in peace.
The second half of my inspiration to share these feelings with you came from my friend Michal Sarah’s blog. http://michalsarah.blogspot.com/2010/11/not-single-mom-but-currently-mom-who-is.html After reading this I knew that I had to express my thoughts and share my recent reflections about life.
I generally do not share such deep insight to my feelings and progress as a person. I would like to briefly share my experience and part of me that I have been dealing with for the last 2.5 years and the insight that I have gained from my recent inspirations.
I went into depth about my darkest moments of my pregnancy, heartbreak, postpartum, health issues, and the ugly shameful person that I had become and then I decided that some things are personal for a reason. Things were unpleasant and I got an immense amount of positive things out of the most challenging period of my life. My daughter is the most precious gift that life could give. She has taught me selflessness and has given me the chance to feel the unconditional love between a mother and a daughter. Her pure mind and innocence gave me perspective on the simple things in life that are essential to happiness. To watch her develop and become who she is today is amazing. I love her with every fiber in my body!
I have let a number of things get in the way of being the best daughter, sister, loved one, and especially friend that I can be. I have been a better person and have been able to give more at other times of my life. I have made a promise to myself to become the best person that I can be. These last couple years I have lacked the ability to fully give myself to others, and I hate that. I would like to let those closest to me know that I will be forever thankful for your support, love, acceptance, encouragement, and friendship during the last couple of years. I don’t know where I would be without my mom, she is my rock, she is my foundation. My dad is surrounded by women in my family and secretly loves every minute of it. He is one of the most giving people that I know and would do anything to help someone in need. I am truly lucky to have him in my life. My sisters have given me patience and helped me appreciate the idea of a family. My sister Regan has Aspergers Syndrome, which is a mild form of Autism. She has the biggest heart in the universe, I challenge you to find another 9 year old with so much love and kindness in their heart. My grandma is a gem. I am most thankful for her help with Berkley when I needed support. I wouldn’t trade my family for the world and am blessed to have them.
My friends have played a major role in who I am today and who I aspire to become. They have been there through the thick and thin. My amazing friend Robyn who gave me the experience of true friendship and will forever be a part of my life. My best friend Malory who gave me the experience of having a sister close in age to me. Out of all of my friends you have seen me at my highest highs and lowest lows and have given me the gift of friendship. I have learned a great amount of things from you and your experiences. I am grateful for your open arms in my times of need. Michele someone who is very similar to me and completely understands me in most aspects of life. I appreciate my friend Lauren for always being herself and is one of the main reasons that I try and be true to myself and comfortable in my own skin. My connection and understanding of Devyn has given me guidance in accepting myself for who I am. He reminds me of my positive attributes and helps me stay optimistic. I could go on for days about friends who I am grateful for and how they have molded me. I love all of you and am going to spend some time over the next year expressing my gratitude for each and everyone of you. Michael, the father of my child, and person who has shown me my ability to forgive and grow. My weakness’s are your strengths and my strengths are your weaknesses. You are my exact opposite and I thank you for loving me for who I am without wanting to change one thing about me. Last but not least, I don’t know what I would have done without Brian. We met when I was in one of my darkest places. I have you to thank for being there for me and working on helping me. You have brought most of the light back into my life that I have today. You watched me transform emotionally and physically and have always encouraged me to be the best person that I can be. Your love for Berkley is something that I never thought possible and that brings joy to my life.
I love all of you and want you all to know that you have impacted my life in ways that I am so thankful for. You all make me want to become the best person that I can be and continually remind me of reasons to give my fullest.
I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts and giving gratitude to the people who have influenced my life for the better. I could honestly keep on writing about my thoughts and experiences lately, but enough personal growth discussions for today. Have a great weekend. I love you all.
I would like to dedicate this to Berkley, MY EVERLASTING LIGHT. And to Jillian Renee Catmull, may you rest in peace.
What is it about those single unexpected moments that shake your world up and make you question how you have been living your life? I recently experienced something that I have only felt a couple of times in my life, this time the intensity was almost unbearable. It was Christmas morning that I got the heartbreaking news that Jillian Renee Catmull had taken her life. The pain burst through me and settled in the core of my soul. My life and experiences flashed right before my eyes. How could it be that another persons’ choice that had nothing to do with me could make me feel this way? I had known this person for years but had never been close with her. My time and experiences with her barley scratch the surface of her essence. This was one of those moments that was going to define me forever.
I have tried to wrap my head around what her family, loved ones, and close friends are going through, but I honestly don’t know where to begin. This experience has given me only a dash of what it would be like to lose someone close to me, and I can honestly say that I have not prepare my mind and heart for such an event. The idea terrifies me. My compassion and apathy go out to every single individual that was close to her. I have looked at her facebook page almost every single day since. I have asked myself many questions that so many affected people ask. Almost every emotion associated with an event like this has overcome me. Jill’s kindness was abundant.
Most of my pain stems from her being in such a dark place that she would take her life. She was a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. We can all relate to her in some way or another, and I am sure that she wants us to grow and learn from her. Jill’s impact on my life will never be forgotten and I thank her for my personal growth and appreciation. She has challenged my strength to overcome the darkness that I have been consumed by for the last couple years and gave me the opportunity to let the light shine in. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope that you have found peace. Even though you’re not here with us your energy has spread like wild fire. Rest in peace.
The second half of my inspiration to share these feelings with you came from my friend Michal Sarah’s blog. http://michalsarah.blogspot.com/2010/11/not-single-mom-but-currently-mom-who-is.html After reading this I knew that I had to express my thoughts and share my recent reflections about life.
I generally do not share such deep insight to my feelings and progress as a person. I would like to briefly share my experience and part of me that I have been dealing with for the last 2.5 years and the insight that I have gained from my recent inspirations.
I went into depth about my darkest moments of my pregnancy, heartbreak, postpartum, health issues, and the ugly shameful person that I had become and then I decided that some things are personal for a reason. Things were unpleasant and I got an immense amount of positive things out of the most challenging period of my life. My daughter is the most precious gift that life could give. She has taught me selflessness and has given me the chance to feel the unconditional love between a mother and a daughter. Her pure mind and innocence gave me perspective on the simple things in life that are essential to happiness. To watch her develop and become who she is today is amazing. I love her with every fiber in my body!
I have let a number of things get in the way of being the best daughter, sister, loved one, and especially friend that I can be. I have been a better person and have been able to give more at other times of my life. I have made a promise to myself to become the best person that I can be. These last couple years I have lacked the ability to fully give myself to others, and I hate that. I would like to let those closest to me know that I will be forever thankful for your support, love, acceptance, encouragement, and friendship during the last couple of years. I don’t know where I would be without my mom, she is my rock, she is my foundation. My dad is surrounded by women in my family and secretly loves every minute of it. He is one of the most giving people that I know and would do anything to help someone in need. I am truly lucky to have him in my life. My sisters have given me patience and helped me appreciate the idea of a family. My sister Regan has Aspergers Syndrome, which is a mild form of Autism. She has the biggest heart in the universe, I challenge you to find another 9 year old with so much love and kindness in their heart. My grandma is a gem. I am most thankful for her help with Berkley when I needed support. I wouldn’t trade my family for the world and am blessed to have them.
My friends have played a major role in who I am today and who I aspire to become. They have been there through the thick and thin. My amazing friend Robyn who gave me the experience of true friendship and will forever be a part of my life. My best friend Malory who gave me the experience of having a sister close in age to me. Out of all of my friends you have seen me at my highest highs and lowest lows and have given me the gift of friendship. I have learned a great amount of things from you and your experiences. I am grateful for your open arms in my times of need. Michele someone who is very similar to me and completely understands me in most aspects of life. I appreciate my friend Lauren for always being herself and is one of the main reasons that I try and be true to myself and comfortable in my own skin. My connection and understanding of Devyn has given me guidance in accepting myself for who I am. He reminds me of my positive attributes and helps me stay optimistic. I could go on for days about friends who I am grateful for and how they have molded me. I love all of you and am going to spend some time over the next year expressing my gratitude for each and everyone of you. Michael, the father of my child, and person who has shown me my ability to forgive and grow. My weakness’s are your strengths and my strengths are your weaknesses. You are my exact opposite and I thank you for loving me for who I am without wanting to change one thing about me. Last but not least, I don’t know what I would have done without Brian. We met when I was in one of my darkest places. I have you to thank for being there for me and working on helping me. You have brought most of the light back into my life that I have today. You watched me transform emotionally and physically and have always encouraged me to be the best person that I can be. Your love for Berkley is something that I never thought possible and that brings joy to my life.
I love all of you and want you all to know that you have impacted my life in ways that I am so thankful for. You all make me want to become the best person that I can be and continually remind me of reasons to give my fullest.
I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts and giving gratitude to the people who have influenced my life for the better. I could honestly keep on writing about my thoughts and experiences lately, but enough personal growth discussions for today. Have a great weekend. I love you all.
I would like to dedicate this to Berkley, MY EVERLASTING LIGHT. And to Jillian Renee Catmull, may you rest in peace.
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